Yesterday I was out in the driveway, holding Adrian. Julian was showing me some chalk drawings that he did on the pavement. It was about noon, a hot and sunny day.
All of a sudden I had a massive urge to pee. I've had an ongoing, persistent bladder infection for the last two months almost, so that part wasn't a surprise, but what happened next was...suddenly someone stuck a hot knife in my left flank and gave it a vicious twist. Or at least that's what it felt like.
I gasped and dropped to the ground. I couldn't hold Adrian anymore, so I put him down on the driveway next to me on his hands and knees and started Lamaze breathing to try to get through the pain without passing out. I tried to pull my underwear down under my skirt, but I ended up just peeing on it.
So now I've collapsed in my driveway in the blazing sun in a puddle of my own pee, I'm writhing around, panting like I'm about to deliver a baby, and trying my hardest not to pass out. Which was my worst fear, that I was about to lose consciousness or possibly even die in my front yard, with my baby and 3.5yo looking on. I kept thinking, Adrian just started crawling, but he can't crawl on this rough cement, and Julian can't move him out of the sun without dragging him, which would scrape his legs badly. Ahhhhhh.....DON'T PASS OUT!
Nice, eh? Yeah, not exactly one of my favorite moments. I started feeling a teensy bit better, only to realize that Adrian was screaming his head off, his terrified screeching scream. Julian was asking me questions and Adrian was screaming and now the pain in my side was a bit better but the SCREAMING was really making me feel sick to my stomach...and then suddenly I had this tremendous nausea on top of everything else. Plus I was still on the verge of blacking out.
We were stuck like that for a while, out in the driveway. It seemed like forever, but it was probably only a few minutes. Then the pain finally let up enough for me to haul myself up on my feet, grab Adrian, and lurch in the direction of the front door. I put Adrian down on the rug inside and fell down next to him. He continued his terrified screeching until I could wrestle my shirt up to nurse him and calm him down. Meanwhile Julian was patting me, telling me, "It's OK Mama. It's OK. You will feel better."
What the FUCK, right? We stayed on the rug for a while longer to let the pain ease a bit more. I asked Julian to go find my cell phone. He disappeared, for too long. I called to him and he told me that he was stuck. Stuck? Oh sweet Jesus. Of all times to get stuck! He had climbed up onto my shipping desk in the garage in search of my phone and now he couldn't get down.
I rescued him from his perch, found the phone, and called my OB, who I just just seen the day before for my recurrent bladder issues. He was out to lunch, so I left a message with the answering service, then I called Dan.
Dan of course, was out of town on his biweekly business trip back East. Because things like this never happen when Dan is in town. Skylights break over the bathtub and I collapse in the front yard and all hell breaks loose ONLY when Dan is out of town. That's how it works.
I left an incoherent sobbing message on his voice mail, serving only to scare the crap out of him. That was a bad move, but I was thinking that I had to tell him what happened, in case he came home that night and found me passed out or dead with traumatized starving kids around me.
In case you are wondering, yes I HAVE been reading too many goddamn Disney stories lately where the mother ALWAYS DIES. We read Bambi just last night, because Julian insisted. I was SO not in the mood, let me tell you. What is with those Disney stories? Must one parent or the other always die? Goddamn Lion King, the father dies. Bambi, the mother is shot by a hunter. And Julian wanted to read Dumbo last night after Bambi, but I know something bad happens to the mother in that story too, so I wouldn't even go there.
Anyway, I finally felt a bit better, but we took it easy the rest of the day. I put on a video for Julian (NOT DISNEY!) and rocked Adrian in the rocking chair and read some magazines.
I'm going in for a kidney ultrasound on Tuesday. Couldn't go before, the ultrasound tech is not in until then. I am pretty sure that I have a kidney stone, it fits all the symptoms. Sudden childbirth-intense pains in the flank, can be accompanied by nausea and urge to urinate. I had bloody urine after the incident too.
Now I'm kicking myself for not drinking nearly enough water and taking too many calcium supplements. I was trying to protect my bone health as a nursing mom, but I probably overdid it. Darn chocolate chewy calcium supplements. And I know I've been on the verge of dehydration for most of the past six months. For some reason I just can't drink water at times, it makes me feel queasy. I need to make iced tea or lemonade or something else. Good Earth makes a caffeine-free tea that is outstanding as iced tea. I should just brew up a big container of that every morning.
So no more calcium supplements, no more chocolate. Easy on the dairy. I should give up tea, but I only have one cup in the morning and it's one of my main pleasures of the day. Plus, it's white tea, which is apparently not too bad.
I just read this about cranberry making kidney stones worse. Great, I have been chugging it in my efforts to kick what I thought was just a UTI. Probably just making things worse.
And even better, there's no cure. You just hope that the stone passes without causing too much pain or damage on the way out. Fucking GREAT.
I think I remember my Dad having a kidney stone at some point. Familial history. Ugh.
Oh, two weeks ago our Organic Express driver came by to drop off our box of veggies and fruits. Julian was in mid-pee out in the front yard when he pulled up, so I was cracking jokes about it. He's a cool guy, very friendly.
Anyway he said he loved Saratoga, since it was a place that you could pee in your front yard if you wanted to. He told me that he had a kidney stone and so when he had to go, HE HAD TO GO. He had been in Redwood City the week before and had to pee, so he found a discreet outdoor location to do so, but some old lady saw him and called Organic Express to complain about one of their drivers urinating publicly. Some people have nothing better to do, you know?
I told him I had been having some issues myself, and could relate. But man, now I can REALLY relate. We also just watched an episode of Deadwood where Al Swearengen has a kidney stone blocking his urethra and he almost dies of septic shock. The whole episode he writhes around in unspeakable pain, on the verge of death, before finally passing it. Fabulous.
Well, I just hope that it's small and not blocking anything. I'll find out on Tuesday, I suppose.