...SUCKS ASS!

I think I mentioned before that Dan has to go out of town every two weeks for three days at a time. So every other Wednesday - Saturday really bites the big one for me.

Last time he left...well, I forget what happened, but I do remember crying hysterically on the phone to him. Blocked it out already, I suppose. The skylight broke over Julian's head while he was taking a bath, but that didn't make me cry. It was something else. Now I can't remember.

I just had another crying breakdown the day before Dan left, so I was really not looking forward to this trip. Julian was acting like a real brat, Adrian was screaming his lungs out, and I was in the first awful throes of an icky, miserable cold. Horrors.

But Dan had to go, and off he went. And it hasn't been *too* bad so far.

After my meltdown the other night I resolved to just try to be more zen about this parenting gig. Adrian is going to scream sometimes, Julian is going to act up sometimes, and it doesn't help for me to lose my mind over it. I just need to stay calm, not yell, and remember that this too shall pass. The kids are not out to get me, they are just little and need my help. I'm the grownup here. Breathe.....

So I have been pretty good. After I discovered the missing keycap incident I thought for sure Julian had done it, but then I stayed cool, asked him about it, and then asked him to go play in his room for a while. I did utter quite a few choice expletives once he was safely out of earshot, but then I figured out that Bugs might have done it. Which still pissed me off...the damn "e" key out of ALL the keys! It's killing my finger as we speak, pressing the nub that is left every time I need an "e", which is like, every other letter in written English.

But I did calm down and I didn't yell directly at anyone. Good for me.

Last night I got everyone bathed and fed on time, but then just as we got into bed to read Julian a bedtime story Adrian started screaming. Like, a BLOODCURDLING scream that permanently damaged the remaining hearing in my left ear. It was absolutely DEAFENING. I don't know what was going on with him. Gas? He hasn't screamed like that in a while, but he hadn't pooped in two days either.

So I had to put off bedtime until I could get the screaming under control. I walked him around and patted him and bounced him and swaddled him up tight and dosed him with anti-gas stuff and gripe water and probiotics and nursed him. Finally something worked and he stopped screaming. But by then Julian and I were frazzled and it was an hour an a half after bedtime.

So that sucked ass big time. I am so not into single parenting. I have no idea how people do it. One kid? Maybe. Two? Might as well prefill a prescription for anti-psychotic drugs.

Tonight was much better. I got everyone fed, then I put Julian in the bathtub while I went to go take a shower. I put Adrian in the bouncy seat by the shower, and he did scream for a while, but the water noise kind of drowned it out. Then he got tired and stopped screaming. Sorry kiddo, but after the pee and poop and snot exposure today I NEEDED a shower.

I threw on my nightgown, grabbed Adrian, went and got Julian out, dried him off, put on his jammies, and told him to pick out some books. Meanwhile I got Adrian all cleaned up and diapered and swaddled, nursed him, and put him in his swing. It was still an hour and a half after regular bedtime, but at least there was no screaming.

With Adrian in the swing, I went back to Julian, read him two books, cuddled him, sang him some lullabies and got him to sleep. Then I got up and came back out to find Adrian squeaking in his swing. Awake! But the swing keeps knocking him back out.

Anyway, one more day. Dan gets home tomorrow, late. I have one entire day with no preschool and no babysitter to get through. Then one more bedtime, and then I have a reprieve for two more weeks.

Must stay zen. Let the screaming wash over me like ocean waves on the shore. This too shall pass. The kids are not out to get me, they are just little and need my help. I'm the grownup here. Breathe.....oommmmmmmm.