I got so ripped off this time around.

Last pregnancy I gained SEVENTY pounds. When I got out of the hospital after the Home Birth Gone Wrong scenario went down, I had lost 35 pounds already. In like, three days! I didn't lose a single pound after that until six months post-partum, then all of a sudden those stubborn 25 pounds of extra junk in my trunk melted off.

This time around I gained forty pounds total. I thought I had it made. I was patting myself on the back for doing such a great job keeping my pregnancy weight gain to a nice high-end-of-normal amount this time.

If I lost 35 pounds right out of the hospital, then this time I would only have five pounds of excess chub to lose. And how easy was that? Five pounds...who would even notice? Sweet!

Well, it did not turn out that way. I got home from the hospital this time and I had lost 13 pounds. That's it! So I still have 27 pounds to lose, which means that even though I gained THIRTY POUNDS LESS than I did last time, I am actually fatter now.

I can't figure out what happened. The only possible explanation is that I was in labor for three days last time around. Not eating or drinking. Breathing like a steam engine. Screaming. That's quite a workout. It's more than that, it's like an extreme crash diet.

This time around I was pinned to a table for a half an hour of paralysis. Then I had broth and Jello for one day, and resumed eating three squares with relish. The hospital food was pretty good, and the fact that someone else was cooking and doing the dishes made it delicious.

Since then I've lost 4-5 pounds, but the neddle is pretty much stuck. I'm trying to remember how last time around I was jogging, walking, lifting weights and STILL not a pound melted off until the 6 month mark. At 2 months I should not feel discouraged. There's nothing more to be done right now except eat healthy foods in smaller amounts and stay active.

But man, I would really like to get back into my clothing. The saggy maternity wear is really getting old. The sausage-casing fit of my fattest fat clothes is not appealing either. Sweatpants are not appropriate for every occasion, after all.