Change is inevitable, right? I am now hoping to schedule my C-section on January 15th. It's currently supposed to happen on the 22nd, but my OB thinks that's too late, and I'll go into labor before that, even though my due date isn't until the 25th.

I was worried that Adrian wouldn't be fully cooked, but now that I've thought it over, why push it? No, I probably won't go into labor before that, but if I do I'll feel really stupid, and besides, I really *don't* want to go into labor and have to do another emergency C-section. So what the hell, might as well do what the doctor wants.

Besides, I am soooooo sick of being THIS pregnant. Every little movement is a chore that I have to steel myself for. Bending over. Walking any distance. Lifting anything. Getting out of bed or standing up from a seated position.

Standing up hurts. Laying down hurts. Sitting hurts. And changing positions hurts especially. So no matter what I do, it hurts, and that pretty much sucks.

Adrian is kicking and poking the crap out of me 24/7. I feel like my belly is about to tear open sometimes. Or else he digs his head into my bladder. I'm certainly glad that he's a healthy, strong baby...but geez kid....lay off your poor mama a little bit, would you?
I am afraid of the C-section. Ick. Major abdominal surgery is so not appealing, no matter how routine it is. I hope it goes OK and I don't get an infection or nerve damage or anything creepy and horrible like that. I'm also not looking forward to any of the anesthesia side effects.

I re-read my account of Julian's birth, and Jesus, I left a lot of stuff out or just glossed over it. Seriously, it was HORRIBLE. I mean, I had to just get it written down, and I suppose at the time I didn't want to dwell on all the nightmarish aspects of it, but I also skipped a lot of details. Like I was practically convulsing on the operating table, I was shaking so badly. And at the same time I was paralyzed. It was like being possessed by a demon. Very frightening.

And then not being able to breathe freely, or swallow. The paralysis finally started dissipating, starting at my face and moving downwards, so I was able to breathe somewhat freely by the time I got wheeled out, but then my mouth was so dry that I couldn't swallow. I cried and BEGGED the recovery nurse for water, which she was not supposed to give me. She did take pity on me and slip an ice chip or two into my mouth when no one was looking, which pretty much saved me, since it allowed me to unstick my tongue from the roof of my mouth and swallow finally.

I'm sure that most of these horrors were caused by being in labor for several days beforehand, and degenerating into a really bad place physically and mentally before I went into surgery. I was really dehydrated, for example. I couldn't drink a drop of water or juice while I was in labor. I hadn't slept in days. I was a complete wreck. Not a great time to be operated on.

But still, I am freaked out. Bad memories burned into my brain.

So I decided to move things up a little. I bought one of those "Your birthday" kind of books, where it tells you what kind of person you are based on your birthday. Yes, it's a load of crap, but what else do I have to go on? Nothing. And really, it's scary how accurate the listings are. They are quite specific too.

The 20th looks good in the birthday book, but that's a Saturday. Bad scheduling for doctors. I liked the 17th, but the birthday book basically said that the January 17th person would be overwhelmed with desire for food and drink and would have lifelong struggles with obesity. No real redeeming qualities listed, just a person struggling hard with their obsessions.
So um...that's out. ;-)

That leaves the 15th. Good scheduling, good birthday reading (extremely witty and delightful person, very attractive to both sexes), early enough to make my OB happy, without being TOO early and therefore make me freak out about the baby not being ready yet.

I totally feel ready to pop. Adrian was simultaneously poking me up under the ribs *and* twiddling my hipbone last night. I am REALLY ready to get this baby out and hold him in my arms instead
of my belly.

Yesterday I went to a post-plastic surgery website and got a set of compression undergarments that are used for post-abdominal surgery. This time
around I am going to be PREPARED and have everything nicely held in and supported afterwards so that I can heal properly and my abs can knit back together. My doctor said he can do some repair work on my abs when he is sewing me back up (not a tummy tuck or anything, just
very minor stuff), but I will have to be really careful and not strain myself for a good 6 weeks, hold my abs together carefully so that they can heal, etc.

I had no clue about any of this the first time around. I was jack-knifing out of bed and attempting crunches and completely blowing my abs apart.

One advantage to a planned C-section is the repair work...and then of course I'm happy to not have a bowling ball rocketing through my vagina either. That's another plus. I'm just freaked out about having my innards cut open.

I'm pretty much ready, at least mentally. We need to go to IKEA today and get a queen-sized bed for Adrian's room, a dresser/changing table, and then I need to go up in the storage attic and pull out all the newborn stuff from Julian and wash it. Other than that, I'm set. I'm pretty relaxed this time around. As long as I have a comfy place to sleep with the baby where Julian can safely cuddle in too, and my boobs are working OK, I'm pretty much set. I've made myself two sweet wrap baby carriers, and hello...I OWN a business that deals in baby stuff, so I don't think I'll be missing much.

Anyway, apart from all the technical and medical concerns, I am really excited to meet this new baby, and I'm looking forward to having a little one again. Julian is so much fun, and he is REALLY excited to have a baby brother. I think it will be a blast to have two kids. Not all the time, of course, but I can't wait to go hiking and camping and
traveling around with them. Kicking soccer balls, playing tennis, swimming, picnicking, making cookies, riding bikes, decorating for holidays...I love all that stuff. I love doing it with Julian, and it can only be more fun with two, right?

Christmas was really fun this year. Julian was smitten with the colored lights, snowmen, Santa, our tree, everything. It was all so magical for him. I didn't tell him that Santa would come down the chimney with presents for him if he was good, or any of that. No use setting him up for disappointment later on. He actually didn't even get that many presents, just 4 or 5 total, but it was plenty for him, not too overwhelming.

Tomorrow is our 4th wedding anniversary. I'm not sure if Dan and I have any real plans yet...maybe go for an early dinner somewhere, or a late lunch? It's hard to believe that it has been four whole years since we were on the beach in St. Martin getting married, but having a 3-year-old son is kind of unbelievable too, as is the fact that we are expecting our second child! Wow, time goes by really quickly.

But life is certainly good. I couldn't ask for a better husband, or a better son, and I don't have many complaints about anything else either. Sure, there are some sad or less-than-ideal circumstances, like what's happening with my grandmother...but that's sort of under control for the moment. Overall I am blessed with a happy, healthy home life, good friends, a satisfying work/life balance, and the future looks bright.

So fingers crossed for an easy recovery and a healthy baby boy, and continued good luck and happiness with the rest of it.