I go in on Tuesday morning for my C-section. AT FIVE-THIRTY AM. Did I mention that I'm pretty pissed about that? Well, whatever. It beats having one at 4:15am after being awake and in labor for several days, I guess.

I been busting my butt trying to get everything ready and organized and stocked up. I think we're there, barring some minor little things. I need to get a few more groceries. I'd like to pack up some lunches and snacks for Julian, to make things easier for Dan when I'm gone. I need to pack my bag for the hospital.

I'm going to get a chiropractic adjustment tomorrow afternoon and knock my pesky tailbone into place, where it will hopefully stay and not cause me any more back or pelvis trouble. After I get that done, I'm going to try to take it easy.

I've gotten my legs and underarms waxed and my toenails painted and my hair cut. I've got 20-some dinners pre-assembled and put away in the deep freeze. I don't have side dishes or veggies to go with all those dinners, and some of them need actual preparation, but I do have a circle of very kind and generous family and friends offering to help. Last time around I was in no shape to make anything. I could barely scoop food out of Tupperware containers and heat it up in the microwave. But this time won't be like last time.

I guess I'm over being nervous. I'm still trying to imagine what it will be like to have a newborn again, it has been so long! We're very excited to meet Adrian...will be nice to be able to put a face to the kicks after all this time.

I remember feeling this way with Julian too...sitting in his room folding newborn clothing and putting them in drawers a few days before I went into labor, and trying to imagine what it would be like to actually hold him in my arms instead of in my belly. It's impossible until it actually happens. I'm surprised that it's just as impossible the second time around. I mean, I already know what it's like to bring a baby home and be a mom, and I still can't imagine this new baby yet. I can't imagine what it will be like having TWO kids. Just no comprehension. It's like when people tell you what being in labor feels like. They can tell you until they're blue in the face, but until you're actually there yourself, you simply can't understand it.

Yesterday I was in bed and I had Julian snuggled up to me on one side, and Bugs snuggled up to me on the other, and it was so warm and cozy and sweet. Bugs had his nose resting on Julian's hand. I was able to imagine what it would be like to have one more little warm body there, and how much better that would be. I could picture a warm body, but not what it would look like. I couldn't imagine what Julian would look like either. I had one brief dream about him before he was born, but he was still pretty abstract.

I'm trying hard right now just to imagine what it will feel like to not be pregnant anymore, and I can't even imagine that. After all, I've been pregnant forever! To be able to sit up and bend over, and lie down flat on my stomach. To be able to go for a walk, a long walk...and move around without grunting and groaning from the effort. To wear normal clothing again!

This time around I will have only gained 42 pounds, so I will hardly have anything to lose afterwards. Hooray! That definitely beats having 35 pounds to lose, like I did last time. Of course, it did eventually come off, and I didn't really even try to lose weight, so that was good. But it took a while (a year?), and in the meantime I had no clothes to wear. So this time around I'm hoping to be able to wear my regular clothes again pretty quickly, and not have to deal with a whole transition set of clothes that are ugly and cheap. I'm just planning on wearing my early maternity stuff until my belly goes back down to normal. Or whatever the new normal is.

Well, time to watch a movie with Dan. While we still can!