I can't believe that I've only been here three days. It seems like forever. Not in a bad way necessarily, it's just that I've fallen into the rhythm here. Sleep, eat, go to nursery to nurse, rock, and kiss baby, repeat.

It's not at all like my experience with Julian, where we just melded into one blob of mama/baby love in the hospital bed, but I'm still thankful to be able to stay here for five days and not have to focus on anything except recovering and taking care of my new baby. Food arrives, dishes go away. I see Julian and Dan at least once a day, but I don't have to worry about dressing or bathing or entertaining Julian. He comes and cuddles with me in my hospital bed during visits, but so far he hasn't had to share any time with Adrian.
I have been able to see Julian every day and still get in special mama/baby bonding time with Adrian in spite of all the barriers. I have spent hours and hours in the rocking chair with him by the side of his NICU bassinet, nursing him or just holding him. Today his shirt was wet so the nurse took it off and then handed him to me...we got to snuggle up skin-to-skin and it was just bliss. Sweet warm little baby body next to mine. Mmmmmmm, I love him soooooooo much! Such a delicous adorable baby bird...I can't believe I am mama to TWO delicious adorable children now. Talk about double your pleasure!

When I first got to hold Adrian, he was still a stranger to me. I was handling him awkwardly, and I was nervous about touching him, afraid that I wouldn't do it right, or that I would pull out his IV or something. The IV was *definitely* a barrier to bonding. I'm so glad that I just kept coming back and spending time with him every few hours, even when I was really tired, or there was a lot going on in the nursery and I felt like I was in the way. I do feel like I know him now. I can just pick him up and cuddle him so easily, and he relaxes into my arms right away to tell me that he knows me and loves too. When he is full he pops off the breast and cuddles his face into me and holds me with his little hand, just like Julian did. Unbelievably sweet. I don't understand how people can walk around with their little babies in carseats, or put them in cribs at night, and not want to cuddle them close all the time. So soft and fuzzy and cuddly! Those little sighs, and newborn baby bird chirping noises. I am going to savor every moment of this.

Every time I hold Adrian I get hit hard with the Oxytocin Sledgehammer and just pass right out in the rocking chair. It's amazing how powerful those new mama bonding hormones are. I literally can NOT stay awake. My head starts nodding, my eyes close and there I am, passed out in the NICU with people walking past me, holding loud conversations, alarms beeping, phones ringing, babies crying, etc.

My milk is officially IN as of this morning. I'm surprised that it took a whole four days, but considering that yesterday was my first real day of nursing Adrian regularly, I guess it's not so strange after all.

The latest news is that Adrian and I are coming home tomorrow. All of his problems have been resolved except for the anemia, and he will be getting a multivitamin/iron supplement for that starting this afternoon. The neonatologist has no idea why he might be anemic, it's all a mystery. He had no loss of blood, no cord wrapped around his neck, I didn't have gestational diabetes...none of the typical reasons apply. It's just one of those things. But again, I just finally started breastfeeding him yesterday for real, and the iron in breastmilk is very bioavailable, so I'm sure that will help as well.