I have begun to snore.

This happened to me in late pregnancy last time around too. I don't know what it is exactly...cartilage loosening and collapsing into my airway, weight gain, puffy mucous membranes.

It certainly doesn't help that I have had nonstop colds for the past 3-4 months and can barely breathe through my sinuses, especially when laying down in bed at night. When I finally can stop gasping for air long enough to fall asleep, either one of my nostrils blocks up and wakes me up gasping for air again, or else the sound of my airway collapsing in on itself wakes me up.

Suffice to say that I am enormously sleep-deprived lately. I might as well have a newborn already for all the sleep I'm getting. Or NOT getting, rather. I've probably had a whole 5 minutes of REM sleep in the past week, what with waking up every 30 minutes.

I was sleeping with Dan in our bed, but he kept poking me all night long when I would snore, so neither one of us was sleeping. Although one time he was poking me, I woke up, then I couldn't go back to sleep because BUGS was snoring so loud. Not fair...when the dog is snoring louder than I am , I should not get all the blame.

So I went to go sleep with Julian for a while, because he doesn't seem to mind. Once he's out, he's out.

But one night, Julian woke up, crying. "I want that CHOCOLATE!" Apparently he had a dream about chocolate, and was very upset to wake up and realize that it wasn't real.

He had trouble going back to sleep and asked to be cuddled. So I wrapped my arms around him and passed out.

"Mommy, too loud!"

Huh. what? Too loud? Whatever...back to sleep.

"Mommy!"

Out of the depths of unconsciousness I pulled myself back to reality..."Mmmmmm-hmmm...what is it baby?"

"Mommy, that horn is TOO LOUD!"

I had to wake up and laugh, he was talking about my snoring, which strangely enough, was indeed horn-like. I noticed it on the occasions when I woke myself up with the melodic blasts escaping from my tightly swollen sinuses.

The next day I told Dan about it, knowing he would appreciate his son's astute observations. Of course he died laughing and they high-fived one another.

Dan: "Yeah, Mommy's horn is LOUD, isn't it! What does it sound like?"

Julian: "Like a pig! Like a pig horn!"

Dan: (unable to speak, laughing way too hard)

Great, thanks guys. Why don't you two cuddle up with each other and meanwhile me and my PIG HORN will be over in the other bedroom trying to sleep.

And since neither one of you will ever have to go through a bad cold in the 9th month of pregnancy, feel free to just pipe down, both of you.

Although I have to say, I think I laughed harder than anyone. Because kids do say the darndest things. And that WAS pretty funny.