Julian is 2.5 years old. We just went through a major pain-in-the ass phase where Dan and I were both tearing our hair out dealing with him. Constant meltdowns with horrible crying jags, unreasonable behavior, very demanding, all politeness out the window.

Coincidentally (or maybe not) we happened to be going through a time of big sleep problems with Julian at the same time that this awful behavior started rearing its ugly head.

I have been taking a time-out from parenting books lately, I just kind of overloaded on them for a while. But I did just read "Sleepless in America: Is Your Child Misbehaving or Missing Sleep?" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, and I found it to be not only a perfect picture of J's meltdown behavior, but very helpful as far as learning strategies for getting more sleep into myovertired, wired kid.

Some of it I already knew, but just wasn't practicing very well. The first part of the book was basically convincing the reader that exhaustion and sleep deprivation are a major cause of behavioral issues. OK, I didn't need any more convincing after about the first two pages. But the chapter on naps was worth the price of the book alone.

There is also a lot of interesting cultural info on Dutch attitudes towards children and sleep vs. American attitudes. If a child starts misbehaving and acting semi-nuts here, we try to distract him/her with even more activities. Wear him out! Keep him busy! The Dutch say, "Time for a nap! Early bedtime tonight!"

When we were having the most major problems, I had just given up on Julian's naps out of desperation, and started putting him to bed earlier. Otherwise he was napping at 3:00pm for a few hours (wouldn't nap before), then staying awake until 10-11pm at night. Misery for all of us.

But when I cut the naps out entirely we had 4-5 hours of afternoon time that was sheer misery as well. Just a constant freakin' meltdown. Horrible.

So I went back to basics. I realized that I was missing his window of tiredness, and trying to get him to lie down to sleep when he was well into his second wind. Now we have lunch at 11:45-12:00pm. At 12:30pm we go into J's room, lay on the bed, cuddle up and read 2-3 books. Then I tell him it's siesta time..PERIOD, and I close my eyes. Usually I pass out and take a nap myself. Lately he has been thrashing around a little bit, but then he sleeps for a good solid 2 hours minimum.

At first he wasn't napping, and I thought, "Hell, I might as well get up!" But after
reading the book I now insist on quiet time in bed for two hours. If he's not sleeping, OK, but he needs to stay in bed with his head on the pillow. He can look at books or play with his stuffed animals or a few toys, but no talking and no playing with me.

After only a few days of this, he started passing out cold after just 10 minutes or so of naptime preparations, and sleeping for hours. The poor kid is exhausted!

I wake him up at 2:45pm, if he's not up already. I have discovered that "no napping after 3:00pm" is crucial.

Then at 8:15pm or so (ideally) we start the bedtime routine with bath, then 2-3 more books while cuddling with Dan, and he's usually asleep by 9:15pm.

This took a while, but not nearly as long as I thought, maybe a week? From total chaos to a reasonable sleep schedule and much improved behavior.

He will still start melting down if I don't get him in bed early enough. The last hour
before bed is usually meltdowny anyway, which makes me think we could do an earlier bedtime, but I'll take it in increments.

Also, it's hard for me to get dinner on the table that early! Dan and I have always had dinner on Spanish time, around 8:30pm-9:00pm, so it's a real adjustment for me to think about having dinner ready and on the table at 7:30pm. Same with lunch...normally we don't eat until 1:30pm or so, so 11:45am is a little weird, but if it means better behavior and fewer meltdowns, I'm all for it.

So for our family anyway, I have discovered that sleep plays a huge part in behavior. For me as well. I have much more patience and can be a much better parent when *I* get enough sleep. I was pretty sleep deprived as well without even realizing it, and I was definitely having some meltdowns of my own when faced with Toddler on a Rampage. So I applied some of the book's practices to my own sleep schedule and I feel much better now. Naps...what a godsend. Earlier bedtimes...fantastic.

I am now getting closer to 9 hours of sleep daily, and J is getting almost 13 hours total. Previously? I was getting 6-7 and he was getting 10-11. HUGE difference.

It's so obvious now that I see it. As soon as Julian starts getting tired, his behavior just drops off a cliff. It goes downhill *that* fast. He starts hitting the dog and yelling "No!" and just going nuts. When he's rested though, he's really quite a joy to be around.

Like I said, the adjustment is hard for me, because I'm not really a scheduled, rigid person by nature. It's a battle for me to think far enough ahead to get dinner and lunch and all that ready, get him in the bathtub, get teeth brushed, etc. But obviously my kid benefits from a strict sleep schedule. And we're a team around here. When one of us is having a hard time, we ALL have a hard time. So might as well be a team player and get with the program. It's good practice for me, I suppose. I spent a good portion of my life floating along free and easy. Strict scheduling is an interesting change in some ways.

Plus it makes things easier in some ways to know that I MUST be home between 12-2:30pm and again by 8:15pm. No wishy-washy wondering how late I can get home and still possibly get J to sleep. Puts a cramp in dinners out though, for sure. But hey, we'll always get the Early Bird Special, if there is one!

Not like I just throw him in bed and lock the door...Dan or I still lay down with him and cuddle and read books until he's asleep. I used to sing lullabies, but that seemed to be too distracting for him after a while.

Anyway, I hope this solution keeps working. So far it seems to be doing the trick. This parenting thing is 90% detective work, I swear.