I've officially moved into the Super Spaz phase of pregnancy. Not a day passes that I don't trip over the ends of my shoes, or fail to lift my foot high enough to clear a step. It's driving me mad.

Today Julian and I went hiking. I started off the hike by somehow managing to get a yellow jacket *inside* my hiking sandal, where it stung me with full force right on the tender arch of my foot. I got it out and brutally squashed the shit out of it, then I pulled the stinger out of my foot. I thought yellow jackets didn't leave stingers? Anyway, this one did.

I've been stung before, and it usually feels better after a few minutes, so I kept on trudging along, trying to walk on the side of my foot to give my arch a break. It DID feel better shortly, and I finished the hike just fine, but tonight my foot is swollen and painful. No doubt due to the location. Stung in the arch of my foot! Jesus, might as well sting my armpit or my lip or something. But I don't have to *walk* on those.

Last week I was working on building the chicken run and I managed to slip while using a tool and drive it deep into the pad of my hand. Ouch! It hurt badly for a few days, but I did not develop tetanus, for which I'm profoundly grateful, because I think my vaccination has expired, now that I think about it. Anyway, it has finally healed up now.

Last week I also walked into the edge of our bedframe in the dark on my way out to the hot tub and barked my shin pretty badly. It hurt like hell, but I didn't realize until a DAY later (when I thought to actually look at it) that I had neatly carved a chunk out of my shin, and I now had a big bloody hole in my leg where the chunk no longer was. I just thought that there was some blood that had crusted over, but then I saw that actually the skin was missing in a big chunk. I didn't even realize it until it started really hurting and I figured that I had better put some peroxide and antibiotic ointment and a bandage on it.

This afternoon I tripped over the step to the garage again and *almost* wiped out badly, but earlier today was the real doozy.

I was coming downhill while hiking, with Julian on my back. I navigated the dry slippery trail itself just fine, but when I got to a paved road it was covered with fine gravel right at the edge. I stepped out onto the road and immediately did a cartoonish roller-skates-on-a-banana-peel type slip. BOTH my feet were up in the air at one point, and I was SURE that I was going to go down, and go down HARD.

Somehow, miraculously, I regained my balance. I still don't know how, because not only were both feet in the air, I think they were both above my head at one point too. And then I scambled and pedaled in the air like crazy and my feet went back on the ground. TOTAL adrenaline rush!

I yelled 'HOLY CRAP! THAT WAS CLOSE!" to no one in particular and Julian asked me calmly and completely unfazed, "What happened Mama?"

"I almost FELL DOWN AND HURT BOTH OF US, that's what happened! Whoa!"

"Oh." And he went back to singing some nonsense song.

Of course, I havve been known to spaz out even when not pregnant. Last winter I was coming up the two steps from our backyard into our bedroom and tripped on the first step. I reached out to steady myself as I started to fall, but with such force that instead I *punched* the drainpipe like I was going for a TKO. Right on my pinkie knuckle, and I smashed it in and badly sprained it. That sucker hurt for two months, and every time it was almost healed I would reach out for some random item, miscalculate, and end up punching with my knuckle right in the same spot.

It was like when you keep biting that same bitten spot on your cheek, over and over and over again. Maddening.

The most embarrassing spaz I have ever done though, was with my brother-in-law Mike. I was holding a Big Gulp sized Coke, truly enormous. I don't even know why I had it, because normally I don't drink Coke, especially not that much Coke at once! But I guess I was thirsty, or especially hot, I don't know.

Anyway, I had this Big Gulp drink and I was sitting at the table at my in-laws house, chatting with Mike. I went to bring the drink to my mouth and I inexplicably spazzed out all of a sudden and lost my grip on it.

In slow motion I saw the drink fumbling in my hand, then I gripped it again, then it slipped again...the thing was suddenly ALIVE! It was like holding a cobra!

In slow-mo horror I saw the drink finally leap out of my hand in the direction of Mike, and literally DRENCH him from head to toe. He sat there completely astounded. I just threw an ENTIRE Big Gulp on him in his mother's kitchen, with no provocation or warning, in the middle of a normal conversation. Had I gone insane?

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry Mike! I don't know what happened, it slipped out of my hand. I just spazzed out for some reason! Ugh, let me help you clean up."

Sticky Coke all over the floor. All over everything. Ugh. Thank goodness he had a sense of humor about it. Both he and Dan will rib me about it from time to time. Usually Dan will say something like, "Watch out, or she'll throw a giant Coke on you. She's been known to do that."

Luckily I've only been doing physical damage to myself lately, and not others.But still, the whole Super Spaz thing is getting really, really old.