Time for an update. I've been posting a lot of external stuff, and references and links, but not a lot about my personal life since the miscarriage.

Well, things have been good and bad lately.

Good:
1) Business is booming. I'm getting a lot of good feedback from people, and I feel like I've made a significant contribution to their quality of life...mom and dad can now get the hell out of the house without toting a ton of crap, strollers, etc. They can go for a walk, or a hike, stroll downtown with their baby, travel around...hassle-free. More time enjoying their baby and living life instead of being tied down with a bunch of heavy crap.

I also got two new contract web design projects, which are easy-peasy and low-key. No hard deadlines, just pretty catalogue sites. No real thought required. I can put myself on auto-pilot, sit down at my laptop, and crank away. *Getting* the time to do so is another matter, but the work itself is easy and satisfying. So that's nice, because I've burned through all my savings building up my business and buying inventory. Now it's paying off, but I need to rebuild my reserves a bit faster. I hate having no savings. Thanks to the influence of my Jewish husband, I am no longer a financially irresponsible idiot. Hooray! So these contract jobs are all good.

2) Dan is putting Julian to bed now. It's like a happy dream-come-true every night as I kiss the boy and pass him over to Daddy for rocking. They get bonding/cuddling time together. I get a long shower, and time alone with a book in bed. Or catching up on emails on my laptop and doing web work (see above). Or grooming. Whatever I'm missing in my daily life. I am so grateful. I will gladly get up in the middle of the night, wake at the first light of dawn...just don't make me put the kid to bed after a long day. I absolutely hate it. By that point, if Julian does anything but close his eyes and immediately drop off to sleep, I go ballistic. Too burnt OUT by then, and I'm usually exhausted too.

3) Lots of good books to read. See #2.

4) Daylight savings time is here. It doesn't get dark until 7:30pm now! Too bad it's been raining for about 4 months nonstop, which feels like forever (see BAD).

5) Julian's language skills are moving along at light speed. He is quite the little communicator and, when he's not having a meltdown (see BAD), or sick (see BAD) he's a very lively and amusing companion.

6) Dan and I are getting along great. Not only because of #2, but overall our home life is sweet and loving. He helps me out a lot around the house, and cuts me slack when I'm tired and sick (see BAD) and cranky. He's having his own frustrations with his job, but he's still being loving and helpful and patient and a good father and sweet husband. And sexy! Mmmmm! I'm very glad that I married this man.

BAD
1) Sickness! Crankiness!
First I had a miscarriage, then just when I stopped bleeding I got a nasty-ass cold that wiped me out for about two weeks solid. I felt horrible. Every movement was torture. Just completely exhausted, not sleeping, not eating, feeling like shit on a shingle.

Julian never got the cold outright, but he has been running a fever off and on for about two weeks, with an occasional runny nose and major, massive crabbiness to go along with it. He just melts down all day long, over everything and nothing. I'm sure it's because he feels sick, but after half a day of crying and whining I am definitely ready to sell him on eBay. Which is why I'm so eternally grateful to Dan for stepping in and taking over when I'm ready to lose my mind and be a Bad Mom.

And finally, my mom has had a flu that has lasted for two months, which means that it's likely pneumonia by now. She hasn't seen a doctor, and the whole thing is just bad, bad, bad. She sounds terrible. I need to go down and see if I can help, find out what's going on, get her to a doctor, but I need to wait until Julian is over his *whatever*, because the last thing I want to do is bring down yet another cold/flu bug and expose her to it.

So yeah....sickness is a major BAD lately.

2) I finally wrote my Dad a letter about, well, everything that has been bothering me for the past 10 years. I tried to do it diplomatically, as a way of opening dialogue with him, and getting that load of weighty bad feelings off my chest and out in the open. The guy never even responded. It's been almost a month. One of my main complaints is that he acts like his new family is the only one he's ever had. Not only does he ignore me, he ignores Julian, didn't even call or send him a card on his birthday, and every time the subject of being a grandfather comes up, he finds a way to turn the subject to his own mortality. I guess the primary emotion he feels when he ponders his only grandson is "HOLY SHIT, I'M GETTING OLD." Nice. So to not even get a response...well, that justifies my complaint, wouldn't you say? Of course, it's possible that my missive got lost, or was never opened, or whatever. I need to follow up. But right now I'm still too bent. I need to calm down a bit first.

3) The weather just sucks. STILL. Not only is it unseasonably cold, but it just. won't. stop. raining. It's killing me. I'm daydreaming of blazing hot sunny weather. I have been cold for so long that I can't even imagine what it's like to be hot, and hot just sounds good right now. A blazing desert sun...mmmmm. Not wearing a sweater and pants and wool socks...unimaginable! We can't go to the park, we can't go on hikes, can't keep up on gardening, etc.

Julian and I hate being stuck inside. I was going to yoga and taking him to the childcare there, but then he always either caught a cold or else he was the only kid there, and therefore had a miserable time. I'm sick of all the indoor alternatives. I just want to play outside. Stop raining already! We need a social life! We need playground time and fun outings and picnics and hikes and all that stuff. I'm a California girl, I don't know how to amuse myself during interminable winters. Let me outside!

My garden is so overdue for some attention. But it's just too cold out there. On a warm day, there's nothing I love better than working in the garden. But when it's cold and rainy..forget it. I didn't even plant a winter crop this year. And I plan on getting some chickens, but I don't want to get them when it's so crappy outside. Welcome to your life with us chickens! Now have fun out there in your coop. We'll never come and visit you, or hang out in the backyard with you while it's this crappy outside. See you when the weather gets better.

I think that finishes my list of good and bad for now.