"Blogger is really pissing me off lately. I can't publish any posts without erroring out halfway through, which is why you may have seen this page with a weird lost bit of code up at the top of the page, or perhaps missing the right-hand column.

I've already written to them several times, but since I'm just a schmo using their free service, I apparently don't merit a response. Aaargh! I'd gladly move over to another blogging editor (and even pay for the privilege) if it weren't such a huge pain in the ass to do so. I have something like 180 posts to transfer over, and that's no chickenscratch. So please Blogger, get your freakin' act together, would you?

But I digress. I'm here today to talk about my bra collection.

When I was in my late teens/early 20s, I was a 34B. My B-cup runneth over, in fact. Ah, the glory days.

Then the girls started shrinking, slowly but surely. By the end of my 20s, I found that the B-cup was just too darned big. So I started buying 34A bras, and they fit me much better. Fast forward to my early 30s, and I was LESS than an A-cup. Not exactly flat as a board, but pretty close. Still, there was something to be said for being able to go braless anytime without repercussions. But it got old altering fancy dresses to fill out the saggy spot in the chest.

Then I got pregnant, and I went from 34A to 34C almost overnight. I bought a few bras at 34C, thinking that I couldn't possibly get much bigger than that. I even bought a few nursing bras in 34 C, thinking that 34C would be my nursing size once the baby was born. A cup size of D wasn't even in my mental frame of reference.

And yet, my boobs just kept on going! Past C to D (where I bought several more bras at Target), and finally...DOUBLE D.

Double D marked a line that I did not want to cross. There were still a few cute and sexy bras at Target in a D-cup, but once you got to DD it was Industrial-Strength-Over-the-Shoulder-Boulder-Holder Time.

Could I not just squeeze into a D-cup still? The extra boob that squeezed out by my armpit when I tried spelled it out for me loud and clear....NO. And not only that, but I was also a 36DD. No more 34. Suddenly my entire ribcage had added a size as well.

My bra collection at this point:
34A
34C
34C Nursing
36D
36DD

I worked those 36DD bras the best I could, then I had me a baby.
Oh Lordy.

E-n-g-o-r-g-e-m-e-n-t.

My boobs exploded 3 days after I had Julian. I had BOWLING BALLS on my chest. Gigantic, hard bowling balls.

Desperate, at 5 days post-partum I put my newborn baby into his fleece pouch and dragged my sweaty, crazy, shell-shocked, traumatized self down to Parenting and Breastfeeding Services at Good Sam.

"Help me! I need help with my boobs!"

The kind consultant followed me into a dressing room and held Julian while I tore off my sweaty shirt to expose my shiny-hard bowling balls.

"Hmmmm yes...those DEFINITELY look engorged," she said.

"Aaaarghhh, heeeeelp meeeeee!" I replied.

So she set me up with the Medela Light Support Bra in X-Large, which is like a stretchy Lycra boob glove, no hooks or clasps or underwire. Then she recommended that I go buy a head of green cabbage and stuff the cabbage leaves into my new bra, using their natural cupped oval shape as a bra liner shell.

You can't mess around with engorged boobs. All those milk glands boost into hyper-super-overdrive production and there's no baby that can possibly keep up with it. You do eventually reabsorb the milk and adjust your production levels to what is actually removed each day. But not before all that milk backs up and inflates your boobs into bowling balls. One false move, a pinching underwire, too much compression...you're looking at mastitis.

When I see bad fake boobs, they remind me of engorgement. My boobs were so full that I had milk backed up into my armpits. My *armpits* were hard and swollen. Ugh.

Once the engorgement went down (several LONG days and nights later), the super stretchy bra wasn't supporting my EEs. I bought the Medium size (my regular size when not engorged), but it wasn't enough support during the day.

I graduated to the Medela Softcup Seamless nursing bra in 36D. It was a little too small, but they didn't make a DD size.

My bra collection at this point:
34A
34C
34C Nursing
36D
36D Nursing
36DD
36DD Nursing
Medela Light Support X-Large
Medela Light Support Medium

I stablized there for a long while, actually until today.

Over time my boobs have slowly gotten smaller. I haven't been a 36 size band since I lost my baby weight. I've been wearing ill-fitting bras that are too big for me for months now. Thre is nothing to make you feel skankier than wearing bad, saggy bras for months on end. Oh, and my panty collection is not exactly brand new either.

So today, I took the advice of my friend Angela. I went to JC Penney to buy some Maidenform bras. I did not buy a $45 bra from Victoria's Secret. I did not buy an $11 bra at Target (which I'm boycotting anyway, sad to say becaue I LOVE that place). I did the right thing and bought a good, reasonably priced bra. Actually I bought six, because right now I have NONE that fit me properly.

I'm almost a B cup now, but not quite. That would complete my collection nicely, but I'm not there yet. It's only a matter of time. And believe me, I'm hanging on to those A cup bras as well.