Well, while I'm sitting here losing my mind trying to get this boy to sleep, I'll write a little bit about how great he is. Primarily so I don't throw him through a window or anything. Maldito sea! (Which is my new substitute for "GODDAMMIT!", my curse of choice lately. "Maldito sea" is the same thing in Spanish.)

OK, OK, so why is this non-sleeping PITA so great? Right, let's get to it.

Look at that photo. He's playing the harmonica! And not just blowing into it, but drawing air in too, sliding it up and back like he's Bob Dylan. He's really quite good.

Then his athletic skills...OK, it's not just me who is astounded by them. At 19 months of age he can kick any ball, big or small *right* to someone, even if they're some distance away.

He's such a crackup, he places the ball on the ground very carefully and precisely, steps back, eyeballs it, then runs forward and kicks like a pro with a very exact little toe-poke that sends the ball in a line-drive wherever he wants it to go.

Even Ashley and other parents at the park have commented on his uncanny skill with a ball. His throwing ability is amazing too. He switches from overhand throws to an underhand roll depending on what ball he has, how far away the target is, it's too funny. He plays bocce ball and can actually knock the other balls and come close to his target. He shoots hoops, too!

Before his kicks he likes to say, "One, two, three...GO!" in his little baby voice, which is pretty hysterical.

Hallelujah, I got him back asleep and safely deposited in his bed. TWO long, drawn-out, getting-baby-to-sleep-for-his-nap sessons in one day is more than one person can stand. One is already hard enough, and today I'm sleep-deprived and cranky and have a big headache.

It's so difficult to keep it together sometimes, it really is. Sometimes I just want to have a huge tantrum and kick and scream obscenities and throw lamps across the room. I was wavering on the edge today. This job is 24/7, it's HARD, and many times the rewards are few and far between.

Every time I keep it together and do the right thing (instead of breaking things and screaming, which is what I FEEL like doing after a certain point) I feel like throwing myself a party afterwards, because it's such a challenge and I can't believe I've stayed calm.

At the same time I feel like swallowed rage is not such a great idea either, so I try to express myself by saying in a fairly calm voice, "I am REALLY mad right now. I am FURIOUS that this baby is not sleeping. But it's not his fault, it's not personal, it just happens to SUCK." Maybe I should go beat a pillow or something just to make sure it's all out of my system.

OK, I did just go beat a pillow, even though I didn't really feel like it. But it was helpful.

Where was I? Ah yes, my gifted son ;-) He's talking up a storm, including choppy little sentences! We can truly communicate!

The other night we met Dan and a business colleague of his for dinner at a yummy Malaysian restaurant. On the way home, poor tired Julian started to fuss, so I told him we would be home soon, and who would we see there?

"Dada!" said Julian.
"Right! And who else?"

"Doggie!" said Julian.
"Right! And what will we do at home?"

"Milk! Me! Oh boy! Wow!" cried my eager little nursling.
"That's right, Mama will give you some milk! Hooray!"
"Hooray! MILK!"

Let me tell you, this kid LOVES to nurse. Can you tell?

This week he started singing the ABC song. He's slowly getting the letters right...this morning when he sang it he got "A-B-C-D, C-D-G!", which is pretty good.

He has also voluntarily started doing chores around the house. He insists on giving Bugs his food and water every morning. He brings the food bowl over to he garage and I scoop the food into it, then J carries the bowl back to Bugs' bowl holder and sets it in place.

He asks for a glass of water ("doggie drink!") and then carries it over and pours it in Bugs' water bowl, usually with quite a bit of backsplash, but not too bad. And he also gives Bugs his afternoon snack ("doggie cookie!"). He's a very responsible dog-owner.

He even walks Bugs. He'll open the Dog Drawer, take out Bugs' harness and leash, carefully arrange the harness on top of Bugs' back like a saddle, and then he holds the leash in his hands and tries to attach it. Hard, because he doesn't really understand how to clip it on, but it's not for lack of trying.

Sometimes if everyone's in a good mood I'll put Bugs' harness on, attach the leash, and Julian will walk Bugs around the house. Amazingly, Bugs will follow Julian like a little lamb when Julian does this, even though on his real walks he's usually pulling and sniffing and going nuts. He's a very good dog to his boy.

See, now all the good times are just flowing out of me...they keep popping into my head and I can't write them fast enough.

It's always one extreme or another, being a mother. There is no middle ground. You are either bursting with love and pride and happiness and gratitude, or else you've HAD IT and you're ready to start kicking some ASS because these damned INGRATES are all driving you NUTS.

I got a call from Google the other day (hi Google, if you're reading this), and they wanted to know if I was interested in a position there. Boy! Am I!

Oh, but wait...only if it's part-time and I can telecommute. Because I already have a job right now. Sometimes my boss really blows, but I've made up my mind to stick around anyways for at least the next year or two. He just started talking, see...and I don't want to miss out on all this great new stuff that happens every day.

So instead of working for the World's Most Desirable Employer and being showered with money and stock options and prestige and hold adult conversations, I am going to clean the toilet today and maybe go to the hardware store. Sigh.

I almost have a little tiny feeling that I might be making a big mistake, but then I consider trying to pack everything I need to do into the week PLUS work a demanding full-time job.

I've been there already, and I know how miserable it is to always, always be falling behind in a million different areas, and not spend enough time on anything to ever do it right. It sucks. But ohhhhhhhhh, I am SO tempted to give it another try. Plus I could really use the money right now.

My fantasy is to clone myself, and have one Laura go out and work and have a fabulous, successful, lucrative career, while the other Laura is a fabulous, creative, successful mother. Wouldn't that just be perfect? But no dice.

So for now I'm looking for that part-time telecommuting UI Design gig. Stranger things have happened, who knows?