I feel blue today. I was listening to the Roberts confirmation hearings yesterday on NPR, and John Kerry (I think, I tuned in late) and John McCain were wonderful, but then some pompous a-hole spoke about how Democratic questions on unimportant, irrelevant topics (like equal rights and protection under the law for women, minorities, and the poor) don't merit consideration and are outside the scope of these hearings. Wha?

I mean, who cares, right? Those shrill liberals and their incessant yammering on petty, partisan issues like the rapidly growing number of Americans living below the poverty line while the social safety net is being torn to pieces, the increasing destruction of the environment around us on all fronts, blah blah blah! Don't worry your pretty head about it. Take two "God bless Americas" and a "Support Our Troops" sticker for each of your SUVs and you'll feel much better in the morning. It's not your fault. You just keep on mindlessly consuming and don't let those godless liberals fret you with their mindless talk.

So I'm listening to the hearings and feeling sick to my stomach, because I know in spite of the rational, inquiring people in the Senate speaking out, there are still MORE idiots just parroting whatever they are told to parrot, and Roberts will be confirmed Chief Justice. Not like Rehnquist was such a stellar guy, at least we're just replacing one right-winger with another.

I just feel like it's so unbelievably hard to be an ethical, responsible person in this country. Apparently critical thinking skills are in short supply. And to be an environmentalist just makes you a kook. You never hear much about waste and pollution and sprawl and overpopulation anymore, except maybe National Geographic. And never any concrete suggestion for what to do about it *personally*, besides just feel bad.

For most people it's just too much trouble to separate trash into the appropriate recycling bins. Can't spend five minutes sorting trash because you don't have time, but hey, isn't "Survivor" on tonight? Suddenly you have two hours free to sit in front of the tube. Magic!

In our culture you have to do extra work, pay more money, and swim against the prevailing consumerthink tide to be an environmentally responsible person. Pull weeds instead of spray them with herbicides? That means my lazy ass has to bend over and WORK a little! Out of the question. But I'll see you at the gym later on. It's the same deal as the TV/time discrepancy.

I was very surprised the other day. I was tired of bringing home paper grocery bags just to pile them in the recycling bin, so I put them back in my car trunk and brought them inside with me when I went to Trader Joe's. It was actually less work for the bagger, because most of them were already double-bagged. I got a smile and a thank you and a free raffle ticket for my efforts, which were honestly minimal. Putting bags back in my car and bringing them inside TJ's with me the next time...no biggie. I did have to go outside my normal routine of puting them in the recycling bin and getting new bags on the next shopping trip, but it wasn't like I hiked Kilimanjaro to do it. Still, it was nice to be THANKED for saving a few bags, rather than be considered a weirdo. So thank YOU Trader Joe's. I didn't win the raffle, so I guess a few other people brought in their own bags too that week. Very cool.

Don't get me wrong. I feel the pull of modern consumer society and it's very, very strong, sometimes overwhelmingly so. Which is more fun to read...
a) Martha Stewart's new talk show
or
b) Pick one:
UN's clarion call for great apes

Retreating Glaciers Worrying Greenlanders
Earth's species feel the squeeze

It's very scary to read anything under b). What can we do? Until you realize that the nice people trying to save gorillas from extinction are begging for 25 million dollars (which would also help thousands of unimaginably poor people in Africa) and we have spent over 193 BILLION dollars (can you even imagine that?) so far on the war in Iraq. Hell, we're spending 223 million dollars on building a bridge in Alaska to serve 50 people on Gravina Island. Couldn't we spend a tiny fraction of that money to save our closest relatives in the animal kingdom from being wiped off the face of the Earth? To help people who are so poor and desperate that they have no alternatives to eating whatever scarce bush meat they can find in the increasingly fragmented and depleted forests? It's nauseating how little money it would actually take to do real lasting good, and then consider how much we waste on total bullshit here.

But yeah, I'm tempted to close my eyes and read up on Martha's new show too. Hell, I'm tempted to *watch* it today, the way things are going. I *can* control my own household, and the fabric I choose for my curtains makes such a difference. The outside world, on the other hand, is scary and unpredictable, and I feel tiny and helpless in the face of the wholesale destruction of all that is vitally important and irreplaceable.

I could go on and on, but I need to clean up the kitchen, Julian will be up from his nap soon, and Ashley is coming over to babysit in half an hour. I'm really sleep-deprived lately, that's probably affecting my mood as well. Dan is out of town tonight. I guess that's a good thing. Maybe I'll review some French grammar...I finally found a local French-speaking mom's group, but my French is so rusty. Then go to bed early. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow.

Wait...I do hate articles that give you scary info and then don't tell you how you can help do something about it. So if you want to help save the last remaining great apes, for example (and many, many other worthy causes), you can donate to Conservation International online. You can specify if you want the funds to go specifically to GRASP (Great Apes Survival Project). That would be a very nice thing to do. Then you can watch "Survivor" with a clear conscience tonight.