Friendship funk

My Friendship Problems:
1) I'm too geeky for most other moms, with my nerdy fascinating (to me anyways) parenting research tidbits trotted out, and my urban, slightly racy past. I'm weird and somehow threatening, though I really am nice. I don't look like Ally Sheedy in Breakfast Club or anything. I just don't fit in. Sometimes the other moms gang up on me a bit, not with baseball bats in the parking lot or anything, but just with little comments here and there.

2) I'm too "mommy" for most non-moms. It's such a drag to hang out with someone can't finish a conversation EVER, who has to be home by 8:00pm, and who has a needy little person tagging along most of the time. I know it's a drag, because I used to be a non-mom myself, and my mom friends bugged me too. It's just a different world.

3) My geek factor is fine for most guys. They can totally handle my esoteric discussions and latest fact-finding research missions. So we can have good discussions, but it's impossible to really be friends with a straight male. Back pre-mommyhood, it was impossible because the guy would always get a crush on me. Now my mommyhood puts me in a different category...nulldom. I sort of blend into the background most of the time, then if I do say anything interesting it's a little shocking...that *Mom* was talking about science and politics and evolution! Oh, there...she went back to fixing dinner and cleaning and putting the baby to bed. Whew! She's a Mom, but she's smart. Ack! Or she's a Mom, but I find her intriguing. Ack! It's too weird. Plus, as someone's Wife I'm strictly off-limits for men to even talk to.

4) Other couples with small children are the best bet for friendship, but we're restricted to socializing on weekend afternoons. After all, the Dads work during the week, then baby bedtime arrives so quickly on summer evenings.

I can hang out with the moms alone during the week, but then we're back to Problem #1.

Oh, and conflicting naptimes. If my baby naps from 11:30am - 1:30pm, but your baby naps from 1:00pm - 3:00pm, we wil never, ever hang out. Except maybe in the morning, but it's hard for me to get my (and Julian's) act together before 9:00am, and even if we do, that only leaves 2 hours of play before it's time to start winding down and going home. Forget about it.

I am a member of an AP group here locally, with a lot of like-minded parents. I'm sure I could be friends with many of them just fine, but all the events and playgroups take place at midday, during J's naptime. So we almost never go. I tried going once at midday and J had a full screaming meltdown and then was at his Crab Station for several days afterwards.

I still hang out socially at least 3 times a week. I just always feel a bit like the weirdo in the mix.

Other Geeky Moms Who Talk Too Smart are typically working full-time, not available to hang out with the SAHM/WAHM likes of me. We can connect on a conversational level very well, but our relationship with our kids is often totally different.

In 18 months of motherhood, I have made exactly two good mom friends with kids the same age. We have somewhat different parenting practices, but it doesn't matter. None of us is wrong or right, we're just doing what works right now for our kids, the best we know how.

One of these friends just moved to Illinois. Sad! Story of my life though. Make a friend, then they immediately leave town. I have GREAT friends, it's just that almost none of them live close to me.

Both of my mom friends have a nice dark sense of humor. Because if you can't laugh at this job, your goose is cooked. Your number is up. You might as well check yourself into the loony bin. Kids are so ridiculous and cute and maddening and weird and challenging....if you don't see raising kids as funny then how *can* you look at it?

Oh, and one other factor in this friendship thing... I'm kind of an introvert. I long to be around people, but they wear me out. I'm always trying to do too much in other areas of my life too, and making social connections is a full-time job. So every few days I need to have a day with no appointments, no playgroups...and just do something random, or nothing at all. Play in the backyard, that's about it.

Really, things are going quite well. I'm not sure what I'm complaining about, or where this friendship funk is coming from. I just feel lonely and melancholy at times. Usually as soon as I put it down in writing it goes away, so we'll see what happens.