So much to write about, and so little time to do it! Julian got his first tooth on Wednesday. His two front bottom teeth have been just about to break through for a while now. On Wednesday morning he was fussy to beat the band, just inconsolably crying, crying, crying. Nothing seemed to make him feel better. He didn't take his usual morning nap either.

We went to our playgroup at Julia's house, and seeing his baby buddies distracted him for a while, but not for too long. He started fussing again towards the end. I tried to nurse him, but he didn't seem interested. When we got home he melted down and was almost hysterical...I was finally able to nurse him to sleep and he slept for a few hours. When he woke up he seemed much better, so I took him with me to Whole Foods to get diapers and fruit. When I was taking him out of the car seat I poked my finger in his mouth to play with him, and lo and behold...a new, very SHARP tooth! Just one on bottom, the other one still has to break through. Which I think is happening today, because he is again inconsolably fussy and crying.

Nothing seems to help much. He puts everything in his mouth, but nothing seems to please him for long. I have tried all kinds of teething toys and rings. He likes his fingers the best, and has them in his mouth whenever he is awake. Him and me both! I am stressed out about him going to daycare and have started biting my nails again, so we both have our hands in our mouths all the time.

I finally tried a wet baby washcloth wrapped around an ice cube today and he sucked on that like crazy. I gave him some liquid Tylenol too, but other than those two things I'm not sure what else to try, so I am just nursing him a lot and trying to give him extra cuddling. I hope that other tooth comes in soon! I have a 3 hour hair appt. this afternoon, and he will be with me for the first hour and a half before Dan comes down to take over. Normally he does fine playing on my lap and in his bouncy chair, but with this teething going on...yikes. He is taking a good nap right now, hopefully he feels better afterwards. His naps are all over the place lately and he gets overtired as a result. Poor baby. This is a rough period for him.

Last week was a bad week. Julian had started cutting these teeth, but I didn't know what was going on at the time. I just knew that he wasn't sleeping nearly as much as he had been, he was extra-fussy, and he was also stricken with stranger anxiety. I felt overwhelmed by caring for him 24/7 without any breaks and started getting depressed. I felt like I couldn't get anything done, even simple little things, I couldn't run errands, I felt my to-do list piling up into a huge mountain of overdue tasks! I was trying to comfort poor Baby J, but I was exhausted and overwhelmed and stressed out.

Finally I realized that I needed a break from nonstop baby care, so I set up an appt. for Julian with the childcare at Swim and Racquet to get a little break. I dropped him off at Kidz Club and got in the pool for a calming restorative swim. It was great, but 10 minutes in I heard a page come over the club PA system..."Laura Hamilton, please report to KidzClub." NOOOOOOOO! I jumped out of the pool and ran dripping to see what was wrong. There was Julian screaming his head off in the arms of the caregiver, who was frazzled.

"He was OK for about ten minutes, but then he just started screaming and he hasn't stopped." Gah! In my wet bathing suit I grabbed him and he calmed down right away. I held him for a minute and then tried to put him back in his bouncy chair to rock him to sleep but no dice. The scream-a-thon began again, so I spent the next 40 minutes calming him down. I finally had him all nice and calm in one of the baby swings there. He was almost asleep, so I left to go take a shower and get out of my bathing suit in the last 20 minutes before they closed. Well, when I got out of the shower I could hear him screaming through the wall between the ladies' locker room and the KidzClub! Ugh, awful! I absolutely threw on my clothes and flew back over to KidzClub. Yep, there he was, screaming bloody murder like he was being tortured with hot pins.

Well great, this was a fantastic f---ing BREAK from baby care. NOT. Ten minutes of swimming, ten minutes of showering, and one hour ten minutes trying to calm down my screaming baby in a wet bathing suit in public! I just started bawling, and I bawled all the way home, I bawled the whole time I nursed him to sleep, and I kept on bawling.

Dan asked me what was wrong and I told him I needed a BREAK because I wasn't able to be a patient, fun, loving mama when I was so tired and overwhelmed. I mean, I was still being loving and patient with Julian, but I felt like I was about to lose my mind, and this was not good for anyone. If Mama is not happy, no one is happy. From now on, evenings would be his time with Julian and I was going to go fold laundry or read a book or do something else and take a break. Everyone needs a break from caregiving at some point and I was way overdue. I love our baby more than anything, and he's wonderful, but I still just need a break on a regular basis, and I'm not getting one.

Dan was great, he went into action right away. He took the baby, called his mom about future babysitting, and told me to go do something fun for a few hours. Of course, I couldn't even think of what to do first with my time off, because I had a list of things as long as my arm to get done, but instead I just read my book and sent a few emails....and felt a lot better.

The next day was the beginning of our new regime. The baby must take a bottle once a day, he must learn to nap without being nursed to sleep, and I must get caregiving relief on a regular basis. Tall order. We started immediately on the bottle. Dan sat with Julian trying to give him a bottle while Julian screamed for an hour and my nerves shredded into tiny particles. Both of them were sweaty and frazzled and traumatized at the end of it and Julian hadn't even taken one ounce of milk. So much for the hardline approach! I got him to take a bottle later on by giving it to him in his carseat while we were driving. For some reason he chugged down half of it all of a sudden, and then the drank the rest of it at our friends' house while he was sitting on my lap at the dinner table.

Dan's mom Ida watched Julian for a few hours on Saturday while Dan and I went to the gym, which was fantastic. So nice to be alone with Dan for a few hours sans baby. I forgot what that was like! Unfortunately she had to walk him around the entire time we were gone, AND he refused a bottle, AND he only napped for ten minutes. He was hysterical when we came to pick him up...sigh. Poor Ida, I felt really bad leaving my screaming baby with her, but I really needed the break, and it was good practice for Julian to have someone else take care of him besides Dan or me.

Ida came over again on Monday to watch Julian for a few hours while I took a shower and got some chores done. He was fussy again, cried a lot, refused a bottle...but she got him to sleep (which has been another challenge lately), so at least we made some progress.

In the meantime we are still working on getting him ready for daycare. Dan got Julian to take a bottle by letting Julian hold the bottle and manipulate it himself, rather than Dan holding it for him. Sometimes he just plays with it instead of drinking it, but at least he doesn't scream anymore.

I am working on naps with him. I put him down on the bed when he's tired and sit next to him. If he cries, I will let him cry for a few minutes while I rub his back and sing to him, then if he *keeps* on crying, pick him up to comfort him until he calms down. Once he's calmed, I put him back down. This worked twice. He stayed calm and drifted off by himself once I put him back down.

The last two days it didn't work. He was soooooo tired, just delirious with exhaustion, so I put him down and he started crying. I tried picking him up, calming him, and putting him back down, but it wasn't working. Finally, I decided to just let him cry it out for a little bit. I mean, he HAD to sleep. He was crying with his eyes closed, he was so tired. I could have easily nursed him to sleep or rocked him and had him asleep in a millisecond, but...sigh...that won't work at daycare.

Yesterday he cried for about ten minutes before going to sleep, which seemed like an eternity. Today it was less than five. I don't know if we're making progress or not, that's only two days. We'll see how it goes.

This baby training is hard work, and stressful. I have bitten all of my nails off, down to the quick almost. Arrgh. My sleeping is off as well. I just hope he'll be OK. I hear that babies do things at daycare that they never do for their mamas at home, but so far that hasn't been the case with Julian.