Julian was 3 weeks old last Friday...amazing! The time has just flown by. I swear I just brought him home from the hospital yesterday.

He changes every single day. Gets bigger, does more than he did the previous day. He was giving us little smiles before, but now he has these big smiles/laughs. He's just too cute, I almost can't stand it. I get all teary-eyed sometimes when he gives me one of those full-face smiles. The first one I get is in the morning when I cuddle up with him face to face in the light and coo to him. It's like, "Yay, Mama! I haven't seen you all night long!"

He is getting really strong now too. He likes to pat us with his hands and put his feet on us. He can hold his head up for a minute or two and does little baby pushups. Plus he kicks his legs and swings his arms pretty hard. He likes to get a little workout in every few hours. I put him on his tummy over my thighs so that he looks over the tops of my knees and he lifts his head and does his baby pushups and poops/farts. Which is extremely important, as those of you who have experienced the incredible stabbing pain of trapped gas know already...but anyways, baby farts are hysterical. They are just so LOUD. And we already have a farting dog, so sometimes they do a duet. It's hours of entertainment for Dan and me. ;-)

Night-time isn't bad at all. It was rough for about a week, but now I nurse him and then we snuggle up together and go to sleep. He makes little noises every few hours and I roll him towards me and pop a nipple in his mouth and that's it. I used to have to sit up and turn on a light to nurse him, but now we don't need to do either. He sleeps really well when he's
cuddled next to me and I love sleeping with him as well. I tried putting him
farther away from me on the bed, about a foot away, but he just wasn't as
happy as when he is snuggling with mama. Once we started sleeping like this
it was so much easier. We go 4-5 hours
between feedings. Of course I still wake up briefly several times a night to check on him and make sure that he's not dead. ;-)

I guess we'll use that cosleeper someday, probably whenever we move back into the big bed with Dan and Bugs. We're still in the guest bedroom for now.

Julian has some fussy periods twice a day for the past two days...late morning and early evening. I think those were because his tummy hurt him. I started drinking the Mother's Milk tea again yesterday (thanks Loulou!) and gave him some anti-gas drops and he has been better today. Either all smiles or else sleeping peacefully. Today was easy, but the last two were kind of challenging. I was constantly having to change his position or jiggle him to keep him from crying during his fussy periods (a few hours). When I got overwhelmed and HAD to go to the bathroom or brush my teeth or whatever, I passed him to Dan, and he cried for him too. But then last night he was just a doll...funny and smiling and engaging Dan and me, and we were totally in love with him. Especially Dan...he has been working pretty hard lately and hasn't had a lot of baby time, except for when I thrust Julian into his arms to go take a shower or brush my teeth, which has coincided with a fussy time lately. So he has gotten no baby or Fussy Baby...but last night he got to hang out with Sweet Adorable Smiling Baby for a few hours of uninterrupted time. So that was good for everyone.

It's funny, if I *have* to hold him every single second, I get a little overwhelmed. But if I can have Dan or someone else take him for just a little while, or if he can nap in his bouncy chair, then I'm so happy to take him again. Even if he's sleeping in his stroller for an hour, I miss holding him by the end of the hour and I want to pick him up and snuggle him. I talked to my dad yesterday and he said it pretty well...that it's not *hard* to take care of a baby, it's just that it's CONSTANT.

I feel like we know each other much better now, after 3 weeks together 24/7. I'm not afraid of breaking him so much anymore, I know positions that he likes to be in, stuff like that. He has a few things figured out too. Today he woke up from his nap outside under the patio umbrella and started crying a little because he was hungry. I took him inside to the rocking chair, put him in my lap in a cradle position, and started opening my top. He knew what was coming and gave me a big fat smile and got all excited, waving his arms, then pounced on me once I was ready for him. It was super-cute.

Everyone says that they would want to be a baby again, but I think it would be terrible. You lack control over the most basic functions, can't see that well or even grab onto things. You are totally dependent on your caregivers for everything...food, shelter, diaper changes. You could be boiling hot or freezing cold and have to depend on someone to notice this and remove blankets or add a sweater. And of course, you can't communicate at all, except by the most rudimentary means...crying when something is wrong and expecting your caregiver to come to you and figure out what needs fixing. I feel so sorry for babies. It's one of the silly things that makes me cry when I'm feeling weepy. I mean, my baby doesn't cry all that much, but all the babies that do cry and no one comes to them....

Don't mind me. I'm just an overly emotional new mom ;-)

I went in for *my* three-week checkup last Thursday and I have lost 40 pounds! It's kind of shocking. The first 25 pounds I lost by the day after I came home from the hospital, it was just water and baby and stuff. Now I weigh 165. Only 25 more pounds to go. But I can't really work out hard or anything, and I can't really diet too much, I still have to eat well and often for the baby. So I'm just going for walks every day. I'm feeling much better and much stronger now. I've healed up quite a bit, at least enough to do most things without feeling like my guts are going to spill out. What I really need to strengthen are my back and abs. Maybe I'll do a little light yoga.

Right now it's time for dog walking, as a matter of fact. I'll be happy when my back is strong enough to take Julian in his sling and walk with him for an hour. Bugs and I miss our walks on the unpaved trail by the creek. But it's too bumpy with the stroller.