My life revolves around food lately...cooking it and eating it. Eating nice things is
one of my only pleasures right now...everything else is a big chore. Even
laying on the couch to read a book requires strategically placed pillows and
is not that comfortable. Julian kicks me half to death lately. This baby is
getting strong! Some of those kicks literally make me flinch and jump a few
inches. I am still sleeping fine, thank goodness, but I am getting sick and
tired of being this big and this full of baby.

Suddenly I feel like everything between my boobs and thighs is baby, with skin
stretched over it. My stomach is up by my boobs, my bladder is squished down
by my thighs, and goddess only knows how my other organs are faring. They
must be on either side of my spine in the 2 square inches of torso space
remaining that's NOT baby.

I am definitely getting to the point where I am ready to get this over with.
My back and feet are starting a violent rebellion where they cripple me if I
stand up or walk for more than 45 minutes. I just saw some pictures that
were taken of me a few weeks ago and I have a big round moon face with a
roll of fat under my chin(s). Ugh. (Note to self: do not wear hair up
anymore... newly sprouted neck and chin rolls are *very* unflattering).

I found a lot of comfort in something I read online the other day...it's a
*good* sign to be moderately swollen and puffy in your last trimester, that
means that you are retaining water, which acts as a buffer against
dehydration and helps to cushion the baby, your organs, etc. Hard to
dehydrate during labor when you have 15 pounds of water stored up like a
camel throughout your body cells. So I try not to get upset about my
slight puffiness.

Still, I am really lucky, and probably not *half* as uncomfortable as most
other women at my stage, so I am grateful for that and for Julian and me
both being healthy. I have really sailed through most of this pregnancy,
it's just now in the last five weeks that I'm starting to be OVER the whole
thing. I'm sure that's a good thing in a lot of ways...it certainly makes
you look forward to labor and delivery!

I have been having a lot of funny dreams lately. Last night I dreamed that I
was going into labor and I was like, "Yay! Woohoo! Bring it on!" But then I
remembered that I have five more weeks to go until my due date, Julian the
Bun is not fully and properly baked yet and needs more time in the oven, and
besides, I haven't even had any maternity leave yet! I want my full four
weeks of pre-delivery maternity leave! So in my dream I decided that it
wasn't a good idea to have the baby quite *yet* and switched to some other
non-labor dream theme.

Two nights ago I dreamed that I was in the cafeteria at Yahoo! and suddenly
there was an announcement over the PA system:
"We'd like to announce a special award today to Laura Hamilton, who has
achieved the Most Weight Gain, coming in at a record 600 pounds!"

Then my chubby face photo flashed up on the monitor with "LAURA HAMILTON -
600 POUNDS!" in bold letters next to it. I was mortified in my dream, of
course, and while I was hiding under my lunch table I kept thinking, "I
don't even weigh 600 pounds! I think I only weigh 580 or something like
that...this is bullshit!"

My dreams are so blatantly obvious lately. There's absolutely no mystery or
hidden symbolism to them at all. They're just pure extensions of my waking
anxieties.

The other dreams that crack me up are the ones where I'm this femme fatale
character, completely irresistible to all men who cross my path. In those
dreams I go around giving come-hither looks to handsome men, who promptly
fall down gasping with desire at my stupendous beauty and charm.
Occasionally some reality will break though and it will occur to me that I
am 8+ months pregnant in real life (but in my dream I never have more than a
tiny little training belly, if that). Then I ask one of the handsome men if
he minds about that, and he, the gallant, always says no, of course not...it
only makes me MORE irresistible and beautiful! The femme fatale dreams are
completely obvious as well, but I like them a lot!

As I sit here I can cup the curve of a baby butt (humping out from
underneath my right breast) with my right hand, and with my left hand feel
baby fingers poking me down by my left groin. Awww...ok, it's tiresome to be
the oven that this large and squirmy bun is baking in, but sometimes it's
pretty cute.

I had a burst of anxiety the other day that I wouldn't have anything ready
for Baby J in time with only 5 weeks until my due date. What if he comes
early? The bad part about having an online shower is that no one gets you
anything from your registry, whereas if you have a real live shower you
usually end up with *too* much stuff (not good either). So I took my Xmas
bonus and a birthday check from my Dad and some of my maternity leave
savings and bought everything in the registries that I couldn't imagine
surviving without. Like the cloth diapers, for example, and the stuff that
goes with those. Dad got us a really great stroller and infant car seat
travel system for Xmas, so I'm not sweating that anymore and could take that
off the list as well. So now at least the very bare essentials are taken
care of. I feel better now.