Last night I took the big king-sized sham pillow and used it as a body pillow. What an awesome solution to the problem of getting my newly bodacious ta-tas squashed between my arms when I lay on my side!

I slept really well for a change. Bugs got up and decided that he wanted to play or some shit like that in the middle of the night, but I was barely conscious. I got up and peed and then zombie-walked back to bed, wrapped myself back around the pillow like it was my passionate lover, and zonked out again. Had a very funny dream along the way about going over to Mellen's house, where we filled up her bedroom with water and then went scuba-diving with airhoses.

So I slept on the couch from about 10:00pm to 10:30pm (while I was supposed to be watching "My Best Fiend", about Werner Herzog and Klaus Kinski), then Dan dragged me off to bed. I read for about 15 minutes, then passed out again and didn't get up until 7:00am. Over 8 hours! A new record!

Dan is THRILLED at the prospect of being a Daddy. I think he is even more fired up about it than I am.

We both think it would be ideal for me to take off the first year from work to be with the baby full-time. That first year is so crucial. But I am worried about how we will be able to afford that, being able to get away from time to time, stuff like that.

Dan has absolutely *no* worries whatsoever. If it's tough, it's tough, but we'll get through it and everything will be great.

So I'm trying to relax a little and not have my little random worries flare up. So hard to control with these hormones raging! Luckily I can lean on Dan and cry on his shoulder when I'm feeling all emotional (which is about every day!). He's so sweet and supportive.

I gave him a book called "The Expectant Father" and he read the whole thing, but he was like, "Duh! I already know this!"

He would read me excerpts from the book, like, "Help your wife out by taking over the vaccuuming", and then say to me all disgusted, "I ALREADY do all the vaccuuming! What kind of idiots is this book meant for?". Too goddamn funny!

I feel much more relaxed now and have lost the urge to get the fuck out of here. Now I am looking forward to a long weekend of catching up on neglected tasks at home...making some jewelry, etc. Ah, mood swings, nothing like them. I'm glad Dan is patient with me.

Ugh, I just ate a big lunch and 20 minutes later I'm feeling hungry again. I can't *believe* this appetite. I literally have to keep eating ALL day long. I have to carry nuts, fruit roll-ups AND string cheese in my purse. If hunger strikes me and I don't eat within 10 minutes, I start to go insane.

I can't believe I haven't put on 20 pounds yet. I stare at the scale and I can't believe that the needle doesn't move. My metabolism must be off the charts.

Dan and I went hiking last week and I forgot to bring a bag of snacks with me. I had just eaten before we left the house, but about an hour into our hike I was so insanely hungry that we had to turn around and come home. In the car I just kept moaning nonstop, "Food! Food! Oh *GOD* I need some food right NOW!" And I specifically had such a horrendous craving for sushi...it was all I could think about.

Last night I was all about potatoes. I made each of us two baked potatoes with green beans and chicken-apple sausages. I didn't want the sausages, I just ate the green beans and inhaled the potatoes. They were SO fucking good.

So John has gone. I am happy for him. He definitely needed to go. I'm a little worried that he's going to a $200/night hotel and spending an arm and a leg, but that's ok I guess, it's his decision. Still, he will be going into debt and said he might sell some of his stock.

I have to say it was a little hard hearing non-stop over and over how excited he was to go. Damn, Dan and I aren't going anywhere. And after a while, how can you respond? You can only say, "That's great, I'm happy for you!" so many times. But now that I'm over my fit of insane travel lust, I guess I'll be fine. We may go to Carmel over the 4th of July weekend. I've never really been there.

Tomorrow I am going hiking with Elizabeth, Gillian and possibly some friends of Gillian's at Kennedy/Limekiln Open Space. Fanya may come as well, but I doubt it. I haven't talked to her since Dan and I were leaving to get married, and I just found out today that she is 13 weeks pregnant! So she is one month ahead of me. That's cool, I'll have another new mama friend right around the same time.

The ladies are coming over for BBQ dinner afterwards. I'll make chicken, fish, potato salad, some kind of veggie thing. Maybe I'll try out the couscous recipe from Fitness magazine. I tried the green beans with feta/buttermilk/mayonnaise/dill sauce last night, but it was just too mayonnaise-y. I liked the feta. I'm always trying to find fancier ways to do things, but I think I'll just squeeze some lemon juice and salt on the next time and then crumble feta over it. And no radishes. What the hell is the point of radishes? They taste like air with horseradish sauce. Fuck that.